Church Chucklers Gifts

"Look. Jesus healed my severed leg."

"...Can you please put a couple of pounds on the Bishop of London in the Canterbury race?"

"Seats in all parts!"

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'Golly, is it that time already?'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

Excommunicate Me.

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'A funny thing happened to me on the way to the church tonight..'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"...lettuce pray."

'I always thought that church mouse thing was just a figure of speech.'

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."