Church Service Chuckler Gifts

'Mind giving him his bath now- he'll be asleep when we get home!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"Why do parishioners only eat half their donuts???" "Partial indulgence."

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

Employees must cleanse souls before returning to work.

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

Excommunicate Me.

Speaking words of wisdom, letter B

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

'A funny thing happened to me on the way to the church tonight..'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

Sunday School. Strange --- Apples were forbidden, but apparently fried foods were okay.

"...lettuce pray."

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"