Church Service Chuckler Gifts

'Mind giving him his bath now- he'll be asleep when we get home!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'Golly, is it that time already?'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

Excommunicate Me.

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

'A funny thing happened to me on the way to the church tonight..'

"...lettuce pray."

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"