Church Chuckle Expert Gifts

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

Monk Prompt

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

How's my sermon. . .

Bishops Snooker

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

The ten ammendments

"...and in conclusion..."

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

The Sleeping Congregation.

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'I noticed you don't sleep during the sermons anymore.'

'Even More Disciples'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

Next Sunday - Rap Mass! 'I thought we reached the limit when we had that jazz mass.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.