Church Chuckles Gifts

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

Christian Book Centre.

"Look...the Pope's not stoppin' by for a little chit chat! He's here to admonish you and revoke your powers in the name of God!"

"Sorry, but the Wi-Fi password is for tithing church members only."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'To balance last week's twenty-six point sermon, this morning's message will be pointless.'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

"Hello Mr. Wibley. I haven't seen you in church lately!"

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

'Funny in my day they all looked like WInston Churchill.'

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

'I'm interested in being born again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again.'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

Eucharist

Speaking words of wisdom, letter B

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

Excommunicate Me.

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

"...lettuce pray."

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."