Christianity Scholar Gifts

Conversion of St. Paul.

'If you were disturbed by any issues raised, please call your mum.'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Yes, all at once!'

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

"I've got writer's block."

"Today we studied Matthew, the first in a four-part series."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"You call this a constitution?"

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

The World's Biggest Book Club

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."