Christian Philosopher Gifts

"Pop's always been big on tough love."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

"Seminary didn't prepare me for this."

Thomas Cranmer

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

'Okay - who leaked?'

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

'Do you ever wonder if we'll evolve into creationists?'

"God's sent us some chocolates."

'It's just like New-Time religion, but recognizes sin.'

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

Yogi back in 5.

'Well if you don't want the apple, can I tempt you with this?'

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

Out for lunch... GOD

"I would cite you to the Apostle Paul and his lear and wise command in Romans 13, to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained the government for his purposes."

"Look, don't 'Amen' me, and I won't 'Amen' you."

When The Seven Deadly Sins Come Knocking.

'Are they fresh?'

"Are you sure you sent out those invitations?"

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all