Faith Philosopher Gifts

'But if He's omniscient, wouldn't praying just annoy him?'

"So Jesus, what denomination are you?"

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

"Why invite Jesus into my heart? Why not my liver or kidneys?"

Out for lunch... GOD

Monsters Contemplating Religion.

Emphasising that less people are going to the church nowadays

Parables and Sermons

Priest sees 'one way' sign point upwards toward heaven.

"Everyone wants to know what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."

"I can't buy forgiveness? - What kind of crazy economic system Is THAT?"

"My friend Christian is thinking of changing his name. He just became an atheist.."

Didn't Bother To Read the Instructions

"God really must love the poor - he made so many of them."

"You mean all this time everything was really a screw?"

"Just so you know, I tithed last week and haven't received any blessings yet."

"Can we have a civilised evening with our friends without you banging on about religion...?"

Priest

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"

'Okay - who leaked?'

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."