Biblical Philosopher Gifts

Tolerate thy neighbour

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"You call this a constitution?"

"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."

Well HERE'S some good news...Judgement Day has been replaced by a multiple choice questionnaire.

"I've got writer's block."

Adam and Eve on a Talk Show

"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."

"When I was a child, I drank like a child, but when I became a man I put away childish drinks."

The World's Biggest Book Club

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"What did Jesus order?"

"Boss, you can't be serious! This can't be paradise. . . there's no football and no pubs!"

"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

King Solomon's Pollster.

"...and if you add wind-chill factor, the next plague will be even worse!"

'Please take your receipt!'

Tragically Moses didn't see the eleventh commandment.

What if Huckabee Were a Fundamentalist Hindu?

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'