Theology Scholar Gifts

Pass the salt...

"Yeah, I know what the Bible says about drunkenness, I also know what it says about gluttony..."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"We only got six days of funding."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Moses' Tablet

God Sneezes Out Creation

You got that beer that the monks make, didn't you?

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Ghostwriting the Bible

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"You call this a constitution?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."