Theology Thinker Gifts

"It's called monotheism, but it looks like downsizing to me."

Moses' Reading Glasses

God creating creationism.

'Sheesh! - and we thought the PHARAOH was a control freak!'

Charles Darwin and God on a chess board - science and religion

'Well if you don't want the apple, can I tempt you with this?'

"So who should we believe, the mysterious disembodied voice or the surprisingly persuasive talking snake?"

"Bad timing – he's in one of his Old testament moods today."

'I think you're looking for the Promise Keepers - they're upstairs.'

"Psst...quick -- check how long a Bible guy named Methuselah lived."

"I hate my fans."

'I hope you won't consider it name dropping if I mention God.'

God looks at the nuclear explosions on earth and thinks: 'I shouldn't have rested on the seventh day...'

"I think it's obvious we're not going to agree on evolution." (Jesus fish and evolving fish talking)

'Okay, I want you to forget everything you learned back in Egypt...'

The 1st pandemic was a brief affair.

"This would probably be a good time for me to apologize for all the 'Big Guy Upstairs' references I've made over the years!"

"If Hell exists, it's probably stuffed with Christians... Same as prisons."

Worried priest

"I see the face of Jesus."

'We're out of ideas, too - why don't You just make them in your own image?'

"I'm havin' doubts about God, father. . . I've a suspicion he may not be English."

"You can bundle all your sins as long as you repented each of them."

Bible Out-Takes (The Directors Cut)

Minister's in/out boxes say sow and reap.

'That looks a lot like YOUR handwriting!'

'Actually, we were hoping for a less high-maintenance God,'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Is this the baby Jesus? No, it's the non-deonimational junior representative.

When The Seven Deadly Sins Come Knocking.

'Wait -- what if the Canaanites want to convert?'

'God is father to us all, but surely Jesus was his only biological child?'

'It's the simple life for me - tra-la-la!'

'Oh-oh -- Adam's calling dibs on everything!'

'Evidently, You promised the Promised Land to too many people.'