Thoughtful Theologian Gifts

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

"You call it 'faith in God' when your faith is really in the humans who interpret what other humans wrote. Which was edited, revised, and translated by other humans. And was originally based on stories other humans orally passed from one generation of humans to the next, about events yet other humans claimed to have witnessed thousands of years ago."

'Of course He never listens - He's OMNISCIENT!'

"Jesus was a champion of the poor. If he came back today, you would not be able to hear him over the sound of religious conservatives booing his liberal agenda."

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"We only got six days of funding."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

God Sneezes Out Creation

Moses' Tablet

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

Ghostwriting the Bible

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"You call this a constitution?"

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."