Our Thoughtful Theologian Gifts

What Does God Know?

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"We only got six days of funding."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

Moses' Tablet

God Sneezes Out Creation

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Ghostwriting the Bible

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

At the 2021 Religious Games

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"You call this a constitution?"

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"It's cool – God told us to!"