Theology Curious Gifts

"What's the point of algebra?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Priest

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

"But what if this is all there is?"

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

What Does God Know?

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

Promised Land Signpost

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

Pre-nuptual Nativity

Albertus Magnus

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

The Pope Code

Worst. God. Ever.

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

The Venerable Bede

"...And when the Lord finished, she rested."

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

If George Lucas had written the Bible...