Theology Curious Gifts

"What's the point of algebra?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

Priest

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

"The fourth horseman says that he will be late. He hasn't left the Old Testament yet."

"But what if this is all there is?"

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

Pre-nuptual Nativity

Albertus Magnus

Promised Land Signpost

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

The Venerable Bede

"...And when the Lord finished, she rested."

"During Lent we must share with poor children what we have in abundance."

'Why? Because it's there and I always want to cross it!'