Religion Curious Gifts

"I'd rather be a scapegoat than a sacrificial lamb."

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

"They're SUPPOSED to have a disparate impact!"

"What? You broke number 3 already?"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

The ecumenical dinner party.

"What did Jesus order?"

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'

Do Guns Kill?

10 Commitments? Sure, I guess I could give him those, too.

"But what if this is all there is?"

'Why did Moses wander in the desert for forty years?'

'I'll let your people go when they're fully pyramid-compliant!'

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

Catholic-Protestant Debates. . .

"Stupid HR says you can only fire them..."

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

'Mummy, what's a daddy one of those called?'

"Do me a favor, chief. Next time you carve something in stone have it spell checked first."

'I believe you're thinking of leaving us, Brother?'

"You're correct, God doesn't need your tithe, but the church does."

"Not only should science be Bible-based, Creationism, but also math, Roman numerals!"

"Wouldn't it have been easier just to tweet those?"

Attila the Nun.

"Oh, I know He works in mysterious ways, but if I worked that mysteriously I'd get fired."

"Great news! It's a light touch regulatory framework."

'But everybody does that stuff!'

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'