Religion Questioners Gifts

"Thank you for not praying."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

'Is there a God? God knows...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

'Don't try to deny it, Jehovah - we've got witnesses.'

"How long has he been missing?"

Tree of Knowledge/Tree of Evolution

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

Tickets being sold for the Fun House and the Religious Fundamentalist House,

Actual Results May Vary

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

"What happens to our soul if we're taxed out of existence."

Atheist United - A Non-Prophet Organization

Basic Theology

Liberals Ignore Science Too

Amish man looking at 'living in sin' greetings cards.

Blasphemer! Ignoramus. HOJ. Your anti-religious rants will lead to the breakdown of morality. The divine is our source of civilization and humanity. It's what separates us from lowly animals. That and our ability to turn worthless jungle into condos. You're playing dirty now, hairless one.

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

Hold it, I think I need something more than "because it's traditional."

"Even Voldemort wouldn't drown a whole planet."