Religion Questioner Gifts

Church Growth

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

'Where were the wise women?'

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'Is there a God? God knows...'

'Don't try to deny it, Jehovah - we've got witnesses.'

Tree of Knowledge/Tree of Evolution

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

"How long has he been missing?"

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'Dad, tell me again what life's about.'

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

"What's it all about?"

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

Actual Results May Vary

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

"What happens to our soul if we're taxed out of existence."

Amish man looking at 'living in sin' greetings cards.

"Even Voldemort wouldn't drown a whole planet."

Basic Theology

On a mountain top a sign says - Out to lunch back a week from Tuesday.

"Do you have a minute to talk about God?"

Liberals Ignore Science Too