Religion Questioners Pillows

"Thank you for not praying."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"Lord, thank you for guiding me through the whole 'evolution by natural selection' thing."

'Our top theologians have studied the issue, Your Majesty, and they agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

'Is there a God? God knows...'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"How long has he been missing?"

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

"I have a movie plot idea... A girl is kidnapped at birth. She's threatened, oppressed, and lives in constant fear. Here's the twist - the kidnapper is only in her mind."

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

Tickets being sold for the Fun House and the Religious Fundamentalist House,

Actual Results May Vary

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

"What happens to our soul if we're taxed out of existence."

"Even Voldemort wouldn't drown a whole planet."

Amish man looking at 'living in sin' greetings cards.

Basic Theology

"Do you have a minute to talk about God?"

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

"Consititutionally there's no bar to marriage. I'm C. of E."