Catholicism Curious Gifts

Confessional TV.

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"But what if this is all there is?"

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'That ISN'T the way to keep the Mass to an hour.'

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

John Newman

'...and another thing, Holy Father, do we call them the 'Falklands' or the 'Malvinas'?'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

'Well, for the sake of argument, just pretend you've done something wicked.'

Quick Confessional Box - 8 sins or less.

'I've found a good book...'

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

Pope Francis

'You think you're pretty humble, don't you?'

A friar

'Why? Because it's there and I always want to cross it!'

Inside church reactions to the Pope's resignation...

'I really don't need to go to church, Reverend -- I feel guilty enough without it.'

At home with the Pope.

'Yeah, but I'd like to be led into temptation just once, to see how I'd do.'

"Why does your all-knowing, all-powerful god need marketing?"

Some catholic like it hot

'All may have sinned, Reverend, but all have not fallen short.'

God is dead.

Death of the pope.

"Dad, tell me about the birds and the bees and safeguards."