Theology Thinkers Gifts

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

"Well... I don't believe in you either!"

If People Believed in Heaven and Hell

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

'Are you being served?'

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'I'm taking the doctrines from all the mainstream religions into one church to end all the fighting over who has the most peaceful religion.'

"Spoiler alert in the Galilee precinct, boss, they insist they don't want to know that child's gender."

"Did he sin?"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"We only got six days of funding."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

Moses separating his Laundry.

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

Ghostwriting the Bible

Moses' Tablet

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

God Sneezes Out Creation

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'