Modern Theologians Gifts

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

'I downloaded them from heaven.'

'We're gonna skip the theatrics today and get right into the Word ...'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"We only got six days of funding."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

Ghostwriting the Bible

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

Moses' Tablet

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"All we have left is standing room only."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"You be the moral grandstander and I'll be the politically incorrect troll."

"You call this a constitution?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'