Modern Theologians Gifts

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

Cort, I'm ready to be a person of faith, it's totally hip. I'm ready to get my religion on. I'm down with the divine, you know what I'm saying? I want to get inizzle with the lordizzle. I must pray now.

'I downloaded them from heaven.'

'We're gonna skip the theatrics today and get right into the Word ...'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"We only got six days of funding."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Ghostwriting the Bible

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

God Sneezes Out Creation

Moses' Tablet

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"You call this a constitution?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"It's cool – God told us to!"