Modern Theology Fan Gifts

Pope Francis

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

Moses separating his Laundry.

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

The Uber Ride of Paul Revere

Priest

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

My mother says the bible is full of good people, like Moses, who brought kindness to the world. That alone makes it a worthy basis for morality in today's world. Moses, Numbers 31:9-18(NIV), look it up.

T.S. Eliot lacks the courage to eat a peach.

'We were kind of hoping to let our CONSCIENCE be our guide.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

"Instead of Red Team and Blue Team, why don't we make it Good v. Evil?"

'Let there be cool.'

Worst. God. Ever.

Promised Land Signpost

''Born again'? -- but I was just born five years ago!'

Pre-nuptual Nativity

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

How's My Omnipotence? 1-800-CREATOR

"The wages of sin are ... pretty damn attractive."

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

'I really can't think of a thing to preach about this morning, so I'll take questions from the floor.'

The Pope Code

"Blasphemy, yes, but it was funny."

'Oh, I understand -- with the 'coveting' part, we can get everybody!'

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

'Is there any way we could ease into these GRADUALLY?'

Two of everything on Noah's ark.

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

"Well, son, in a way, I suppose Jesus was a trust-fund baby."

The Venerable Bede

". . . and don't forget to like and subscribe to my channel. Amen."