Modern Theologian Gifts

"Then, each month, you'll receive a new set of commandments. Cancel anytime and keep the first set, absolutely free."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"So Judas is all, show me the money, and JC is all, whatever..."

'Let there be cool.'

The Three WI-FI men.

Two of everything on Noah's ark.

'What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his internet provider?'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

'New Charismatic'

Progressions.

"I think your Sermon on the Mount would make a great blog."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"We only got six days of funding."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

'It's not easy being ahead of your time.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

"Um, I notice there's nothing in here about pork."

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Ghostwriting the Bible

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Moses' Tablet

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth