Theologist Gifts

"Somehow I thought the whole thing would be a lot classier!"

It was the day Malcolm found God.

"If your god wants me to believe in him, he should exist."

"It's not as friendly here as I thought it would be!"

"I know filled with the spirit, and you most certainly are not."

"To find out if God exists let's ask an expert."

"Wait a minute! - First you say, 'Lay up treasures in Heaven,' and then you say, 'You can't take it with you'!"

I'd like to see the look on Prof Dawkins' face!

Descartes' Cat - I meow, therefore I am.

Adam puts God on hold while texting.

"Darling, I can't start the fire. Can I throw on a couple of heretics?"

The Gods

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"We only got six days of funding."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Moses separating his Laundry.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

Ghostwriting the Bible

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

God Sneezes Out Creation

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."