Theologians Gifts

"It's good....but I know these people...they're gonna want specifics!"

God's Wrath Level: high.

Heaven's Ingredients: 100% Natural Love, 100% compassion and 100% forgiveness.

'The father the son and the holy spirit split.'

'I KNEW he had an ulterior motive!'

Vatican Reforms

'Could you carve the Commandments in stone? -- otherwise they'll think I made them up.'

Priest walks by a religious book shelf and and a Satan book pops out to hit him on the head.

"'Thou shalt give good discounts'? That's a commandment?"

Camel with sunglasses, cigar and gold chain says to camel reading Bible: 'So where does it stand on rich camels?'

'I thought we agreed on a $50 maximum.'

'God's home videos.'

'Wow! -- Talk about family values!'

'They're not supposed to have any love interest!'

'There's a lot of non-fundamentalists getting in here, Lord- we need a fence to keep them out!'

'Let your people go? - after all the trouble I went to getting them full employment?'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'No, anything not specifically prohibited is NOT necessarily okay!'

'How do we know YOU'RE not bearing false witness?'

"Chuck, you were a model human throughout your life. I invite you to return to Earth as anything you please."

'It's going to be a while. Would you care to wait in Purgatory?'

Uh-we have a minor problem and if it has created some discomfort, we do apologize! Oh yes.

Benedict XVI Resigns.

"Do you think YOU would believe in Jesus today if your great-great-great-great grandfather's OWNER had not?"

"Still not sure why Moses wanted a flint knife, or what exactly circumcision is..."

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"I can see future generations swallowing the 'talking serpent' part, but we need a more plausible forbidden fruit."

"Okay, I accept the fact that I'm doomed to spend all eternity in hell, but could I serve my time without the company of disgraced Evangelicals and television preachers?"

"You think two weeks in isolation is hard?"

Interfaith dialogue

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

"Oh. . . and this one, Jerimiah 19.9 'And I will make them eat the flesh or their sons and daughters'."

'They've been relocated because hell is full.'

"Well, it was original."

Angels shopping in a store called "Heaven Pharmacy: Self-serve"