Children Of Elderly Parents Gifts

It's 10 PM Do You Know Where Your Parents Are?

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Oh indeed I did: I went feral for a year when I was young. It taught me a lot about the world, but about myself too..."

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"Did you remember my mints?"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"My service animal for Alzheimer's, sonny!"

"Careful."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

'I'm fighting ageing.'

Toothless Meal

Grandpa gets more than he bargained for when his lawnmower takes flight as a helicopter would.

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

"My husband Frank still has all his own teeth...he keeps them in that jar over the fireplace!"

Dino Snack

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"The Lord brings people together for reasons only he knows."

"And I got these stretch marks on my butt from sitting in the house for months back in 2020."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'I'll see your Social Security Supplement and raise you Medicare and a Canadian pharmacy ID.'

"These are all my financial papers - with the exception of the codes to my secret Swiss bank accounts, of course."

"Alexa...order my shopping!"

'It could be hours, or it could be weeks. He's determined to hang on until he finally understands the punchline to a joke everybody else got at a cocktail party in 1947!'

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'