Cheeky Pretender Gifts

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'Your shoe's untied.'

"We've invented a new word!"

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

'Now that should make it a lot easier.'

Sticking out tongue

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

"Your dump or mine..?"

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

'He's using a cheat sheet, ump! Can he do that?'

Easter Island

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

5,- euro and I'll show you how to hustle 5,- Euro from a doofus!!"

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

"For last meal, I'm thinking unlimited breadsticks, endless shrimp and bottomless coffee."

"I can't go to school today, Mom . . . I'm running a low-grade spring fever."

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'

Sorry, I'm too ill to come in today. More medicine please, nurse.

(anteater sticking its tongue at passers-by)

Football Fantasies

"I always drink from a travel mug. It makes me feel like I'm out of the house."

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

Athletes doing hurdles, short athlete has vaulting pole.