Cheeky Pretender Pillows

'I can't come to work today. I'm in bed with a nasty, little bug.'

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

'Your shoe's untied.'

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

"We've invented a new word!"

“Look! We’re on the naked cam!”

'I don't think my homework is very good. My dog refused to eat it.'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

'Now that should make it a lot easier.'

Sticking out tongue

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

"Have you ever licked cream off a woman's body?"

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

'Big Issue!'

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

"Your dump or mine..?"

Having noticed a hot-looking security woman, Mort quickly penned a note and stuck it in his briefcase.

Footballer scores for the first time and wears T-Shirt reading: 'No longer a virgin.'

'I promised my Dad I'd be home by ten but I didn't say if that was P.M. or A.M..'

'He's using a cheat sheet, ump! Can he do that?'

"Hey you. I can't get in your house because nobody drew a fireplace or chimney. Not my fault, dude. Well, maybe next year. Ho, ho, ho."

"When it comes to hide and seek I think this might be cheating."

5,- euro and I'll show you how to hustle 5,- Euro from a doofus!!"

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

Easter Island

'Look what I found, Dad - Can I keep her?'

"For last meal, I'm thinking unlimited breadsticks, endless shrimp and bottomless coffee."

"I can't go to school today, Mom . . . I'm running a low-grade spring fever."

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

(anteater sticking its tongue at passers-by)

'Here. Drink this till I'm hot.'

Athletes doing hurdles, short athlete has vaulting pole.

"I always drink from a travel mug. It makes me feel like I'm out of the house."