Cheeky Cleaner Pillows

I know you're keen to practise the new salsa routine, but I'm getting a bit jealous of the vacuum.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"Quick swig first?"

'Listen up troop. We're going on a treasure hunt.'

"Leave it you guys! We have this EVERY-SINGLE-TIME we go anywhere!!"

Hen Night

"I do diet...between snacks."

'The arrows were more practical,,,,but I found these have a higher success rate,'

'It's got worse than just the occasional sploosh from a wine box, hasn't it?'

The Height of Impudence.

'He became an enthusiastic silver surger when he discovered there are nude ladies on the internet.'

'Pint of Binge, please. . .'

"Oh, baby, hot caramel? You're going to dip me in hot caramel? I'll be right over."

Before the smart phone there was the smart mouth.

'Man, the next hangover will kill me for sure... that's why I've decided to be drunk 24 hours a day!'

"Which one had the health benefits in it?"

"For last meal, I'm thinking unlimited breadsticks, endless shrimp and bottomless coffee."

"It takes the fun out of it when the food police say it's ok."

"He's offered to show me the breast stroke - tonight in his water bed!"

'You can eat anything you want on this diet, but there's a strict limit on what you can swallow.'

'You want five dollars to buy a cup of coffee?', 'Yeah -- I want to have it at 'Hooters.''

"...and then there's the small matter of that ball you planted on the fourth green."

"I don't want to be empowered - I want to be sassy."

"You can be a right stirrer sometimes!"

"No, you may not request a change of venue."

I Will Not Chew My Pencil

Christmas Bra.

'Watch him-he's drinking on an empty wallet.'

Doing the washing up.

'They put me in the slow class - NOW who am I supposed to copy from?'

Man teased into putting his head through a hole into a firing range by sign 'Nudist camp'

'Get naked - I need an endorphin fix.'

"Fancy us washing away our sins like this!"

'Oh, Alright then - one for the road.'

"Forget aboout a second date. While you were in the restroom, our cute waiter asked me out."