Chatty Phone Caller Pillows

'That was my wife. And boy, she sure freaked out when I told her I'm playing russian roulett.'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

Remember my mum? I took that photo a week before she died. There's one of me...that was a good haircut.

'There's a bench over there why not sit down and rest your weary mouth?'

'Thanks mum, it's just what I always wanted!'

'Do you come here often?'

"I'm upstairs right now. On weekends and holidays, I go downstairs."

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'It's a text from Mike - Sorry I'm L8 B THR in a crrrrassssssh!!! ARRRRGGGHHH....;p'

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

A guy tries his luck at the water cooler.

Communication

'Are you in here tonight?'

'From the Mouth of Arthur Baskin.'

"You just carpe, carpe, carpe."

"Oh, she just wants attention or needs help."

Hot Line

'Can't you tell people about our new swimming pool without saying I've 'gone off the deep end?''

"Henpecked?! Don't get me started about being hen-pecked buddy!"

'No talking' sign at a fishing site.

"Talk? Hell, after a few drinks you can't shut me up."

"If you need me, I'll be in my room watching YouTube videos, texting, Skyping and blowing off my homework."

'It's for you.'

"I'd love to talk. I'm on a train!"

Well look, I'm afraid I really must run...

"No problem, B. J. I can talk and baste at the same time."

'Why don't you come to my birthday party? It'll be a great place for networking...'

New Space Shuttle Mission: Deployment of the First Orbiting Telemarketer

Online Dating

'Sorry but my disposable income is tied up in a roast in the oven.'