Chaplain Gifts

"Lieutenant! I said get me a chaplain!"

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'-and which commandment did you break?'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Team Chaplain! Who the hell said you could have a team chaplain?"

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

Father O'Houligan has his own way of preparing people for the inevitable.

Emergency Bible for deathbed conversions only.

'Service Lift.'

'Then Judas Iscariot grassed Jesus up...'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'Church of the Divine Healing with an Emergency Room.'

Grace.

Base chapel.

The show that helps you shuffle off this mortal coil

Vicar Baiting

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

"Relax. I'm not here to administer last rites, but to help you pray your insurance will cover all!"

Parson ad Nautical Young Lady.

Prison chaplain asking a prisoner what the eighth commandment is

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

"As an ex-priest, I'm having a hard time adjusting to these noncathedral ceilings."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

Licensed Therapist

"Samson was the best actor in the bible - he brought the house down!"

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

"Freshly ground pepper?"