Church Counselor Gifts

'Hello, Pastor Parker here. Thank you for calling moral support. Your call may be monitored to ... '

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Look, you can only do so much!'

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

Licensed Therapist

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

America, are we learning anything?

"This is nice … let’s not hop again tomorrow."

"I dunno, I guess I just don't believe in myself anymore."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

Bob had to confront his fear of butterflies.

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

"At times I wonder what I've done with my life that makes me worth being saved."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

"And you're certain these are accidents?"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.