Counselors Gifts

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me."

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'The voices in my head are saying that you're overcharging me.'

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'Just because I don't believe in sex before marriage, he was under the impression that I believe in sex after marriage!'

Two men at relate

"When I google myself, the only thing that comes up is my arrest record."

'I'm worried! I gave up smoking without any trouble!'

That's interesting - what exactly do you mean by 'thump'?

Weight of the world on your shoulders.

'Judging by your rather loud tie, the tablets are beginning to work!'

'He saved his dog before he saved me during the hurricane!'

'When I call for the time and temperature, they say 'Who wants to know?''

'I'm just waiting to see when I will be preoccupied with sex.'

"How long have you been a compulsive eater of onions?"

'Don't worry -- I'll soon knock that paranoia out of you!'

Alternate police policy... stop-and-counsel.

"I'm still not sure how it happened. One day, I'm a highly respected drug-sniffing dog, and the next, I'm snorting all the stuff I can get my paws on!"

Vatican Summit on Sexual Abuse

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Have you considered laughing into the abyss?"

"They've got no big brother"

"You're completely screwed up."

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am Batman."

"It's such a nice day!"

'My psychiatrist told me to take up a hobby, so I became a psychiatrist.'

Sex education, Mrs Griffey...Be responsible! Don't foolow in your parents footsteps!

'What do you want first - the bad news or the even worse news?'

'Nobody's even TRIED to steal my identity!'

Harold finally decided to take his psychiatrist's advice to become more receptive.

"Because of your son, I thought this would be the best place for our parent-teacher conference."

"I just feel like I'm constantly disappointing parents everytime I appear on report cards."

"First it was TV, then social media, then politics...now everything insults my intelligence!"