Counselors Gifts

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me."

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

Fear of success support group.

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

'The voices in my head are saying that you're overcharging me.'

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

'Just because I don't believe in sex before marriage, he was under the impression that I believe in sex after marriage!'

I wish you wouldn't use the cuckoo clock to mark the time our session is over.

Two men at relate

"When I google myself, the only thing that comes up is my arrest record."

'I'm worried! I gave up smoking without any trouble!'

That's interesting - what exactly do you mean by 'thump'?

Weight of the world on your shoulders.

'Judging by your rather loud tie, the tablets are beginning to work!'

'He saved his dog before he saved me during the hurricane!'

'When I call for the time and temperature, they say 'Who wants to know?''

'I'm just waiting to see when I will be preoccupied with sex.'

"How long have you been a compulsive eater of onions?"

'Don't worry -- I'll soon knock that paranoia out of you!'

Alternate police policy... stop-and-counsel.

"I'm still not sure how it happened. One day, I'm a highly respected drug-sniffing dog, and the next, I'm snorting all the stuff I can get my paws on!"

Vatican Summit on Sexual Abuse

"My brother thinks he's a chicken... He's crazy."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"Have you considered laughing into the abyss?"

"They've got no big brother"

"You're completely screwed up."

"Last week, when I was telling you about my Lou Ferrigno dream, were you fighting off a yawn? Do you go to therapy? What would you do if I touched your ear? Yes or no—am I insane?"

"My name is Phil, and I, too, am Batman."

"It's such a nice day!"

I always felt I should have been born into royalty, Doctor Kapuchnik. If it's any consolation, Al, you're a royal pain.

That's the most ridiculous thing you've ever told me, Al. The hour is young, doctor.

So, when did I realize I was a control freak, doc?…

He's crying again. Should he see a therapist?

'My psychiatrist told me to take up a hobby, so I became a psychiatrist.'