Counseling Gifts

"Well, I think you're wonderful."

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me."

"It may surprise you to know that, contrary to your experience, you're actually very happily married."

"First off, you're not a nut. You're a legume."

"I think that's the last of them!"

'My mother was a real bitch!'

'Feelings of inadequacy, directionless. It's a classic case. You need goals!'

Restorative Justice Victim's Revenge.

'I beleive I have a new approach to psychotherapy, but, like everything else, the FDA tells me it first has to be tested on mice.'

'My child has an eating disorder. She likes vegetables.'

Good shrink, bad shrink.

"You have irritable-spouse syndrome."

'Apart from illiteracy, low self esteem, homelessness, poverty and a broken home. I can't find any reason for his offending behaviour!'

'Before you continue on your emotional tirade, let me know if you're picking up on my non evaluative and empathetic listening.'

In-tray, Out-tray, While you were on holiday-tray

'Actually, I became a psychiatrist because the voices told me to.'

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

"Maybe you ought to consider making love in the morning - before you have a chance to piss each other off."

"O.K. What part of 'malignant regression and pathogenic reintrojection as a defense against psychic decompensation' don't you understand?"

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"Lots of people talk to themselves..."

'Having to eat broccoli twice a week is not child abuse.'

"I have 25 patients in my counselling group...Mrs Sherman, Mr Martin, and Mr Martins 23 other personalities."

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'My dealer keeps asking me these stupid questions!'

'To foster a sense of trust, I always like to end each session with a group hug.'

"All of a sudden, everyone seems younger than I am."

'Your ego seems to be your primary problem.'

'Why do divorces cost so much?' - 'Because they're worth it.'

"And furthermore, I don't like the way you argue!"

"Every year, the zebras get faster and faster."

". . . and I haven't met anyone interesting in years." "What am I-chopped liver?"

'His music teacher says he has Van Gogh's ear for music.'

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome Anonymous

'I'll be home early. They all phoned in sick again.'