Seeking Counseling Gifts

"I feel like he doesn't respect me."

"F*** your face, you w****!! ...Oh, excuse me, I thought you were my wife."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"We even tried cyber sex, but the line was always busy."

'Do you ever communicate as a family by just speaking?'

'It's my husband, Doctor. He makes me sick!'

I'He used to star in porno films. Now he can only get aroused if he has an audience.'

"We would have divorced years ago if it wasn't for the children - neither of us would take them!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Licensed Therapist

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Try Mediation

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Great Therapy!'

"I scream! You scream! I can't stop the screaming!"

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

Incompatible.