Seeking Counselling Gifts

"Yes,I'm fully qualified,yes,I'm single,yes.I'm busy after work..."

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

Licensed Therapist

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Try Mediation

Couples' therapy

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'Great Therapy!'

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"I scream! You scream! I can't stop the screaming!"

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."