Seeking Therapy Gifts

Seeing the marriage counselor.

Sadly, Barbara was the only one to show up at the support group for those with abandonment issues.

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

"I'm used to him finishing my sentences, but now he starts them, too."

'He could be right - maybe we have been taking the problem too seriously.'

Man to Marriage Counselor: 'All I'm asking for is a little respect.'

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'My work-lifestyle balance is shot, I'm either working or I'm dead!'

"Something has to change....my life is turning into pure hell."

"Maybe this session we could work on getting you to admit you need help?"

'I don't know which health issue should concern me more - the voices in my head or the fact that I need a hearing aid to hear them.'

Emotional Support Pest

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

'Taking anti-depressants is getting me down...'

He was out in no time, with a new outlook and a clean slate.

"So, do you find it annoying that he can't multitask?"

'Hurry up and relax!! ... Or do you think I've got nothing better to do?'

"I just want to get back into the swing of things."

"I stopped recycling after my garbage guy slipped me the number of the nearest AA branch."

'I've lost the will to live.'

Social Networking Anonymous 12 Step Program.

'Dinner in tumble dryer - gone to see therapist!'

'I just feel so used all the time.'

'Of course I have family ties... I'm tied to my SUV, my washing machine, my cooking stove...'

Bog of depression.....'Can I come in ?'

'Well, doc, I just can't escape this feeling that everyone's in a happy vrelationship, except me. Doc?'

'When you finally decided to communicate, neither of you said anything worth listening to?'

"Yes, I have experience. I've been divorced two times."

Pastor to couple: 'It is more blessed to forgive than to receive.'

'He just got the bill for his grief counseling.'

'People seem to be avoiding me.'

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?