Seeking Treatment Gifts

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Pet a Puppy

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Have you ever thought of just knocking this 'half-empty glass' OFF the counter?"

The Physiciatrist...

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

'I hate all holidays!'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

Turmoil change.

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

Emotional Support Pest

"The damsels, the knights, I guess I'm just burnt out."

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."