Alternative Therapy Seeker Gifts

'Therapy and medications are not the only options for your obsessive behavior.'

'Got anything for a headache?'

Self help acupuncture

Woman and pets with hair sticking straight up all enter Stress Management Clinic.

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

"But can't I be feared and loved?"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Nobody ever asked about my mental health."

'So tell me why you think you're suffering from seasonal ineffective disorder.'

"Instead of years of therapy, I decided to go for chocolate."

Pet a Puppy

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

"Have you ever thought of just knocking this 'half-empty glass' OFF the counter?"

The Physiciatrist...

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

'Occasionally the Dr. asks me to get real with people.'

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'I hate all holidays!'

'I guess it was a breakthrough - My free-floating anxiety crashed.'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

Turmoil change.

How to cope in Los Angeles vs. New York

"The damsels, the knights, I guess I'm just burnt out."

Bob began seeing his mother, who gave him up for adoption, professionally, three times a week. It didn't help much.

"All I take anymore is mushrooms for my anxiety, ketamine for my depression, and ibuprofen for the goblins constantly eating my feet."

Emotional Support Pest

'I think I'm getting somewhere. On the way over I stopped to smell the flowers.'

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

"I'm putting you on country music."