Seeking Relationship Counseling Gifts

"Helen, I have decided to seek a change of venue, since it has grown increasingly obvious that I can no longer get a fair trial in this household."

"I say 'tomarto', he says 'tomayto', I say 'portarto', he says 'potayto'. Why else do you think we're here?"

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Relationship Warning Lights

"You've changed."

'You know too much!'

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Try Mediation

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"