Relationship Counseling Gifts

'I can change him!'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'You have to learn how to communicate. Buy a pair of texting mobile phones and use them.'

"Maybe you ought to consider making love in the morning - before you have a chance to piss each other off."

Silent Fight #8997

"If I were money, you'd listen to me."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"How to communicate better with your mate"

Elephant in the Room

"Wow . . . We could really fill this room with uncomfortable silences."

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Margaret. I feel that we must talk about our relationship.'

'When Jack became immortal, something went out of our marriage.'

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

Mime marriage.

The Older Testament: An Origin Story

"This may come as a shock to you, but you two are not a good fit. It's no one's ground fault. Electricity is not enough. I know it's hertz, but one day you'll connect with watt I'm relaying."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'My husband took these pills to give him some get up and go, and the next thing I knew, he got up and went.'

Online Couples Therapy

"She wanted 'warm and fuzzy' so I wrapped her in a mink coat and set it on fire"

'First she loves me. Then, she loves me not. Then, she loves me. Then she loves me not. Then...'

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

"You see?"

"Just tell us who's winning."

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"You're keeping something from me, aren't you?"

"If you want a positive outlook, you're going to have to turn you chair around."

"Where do my needs fit into your little hierarchy, Maslow?"

'Nothing I do pleases my wife. I told her that I'm willing to discuss any subject - including our marriage - so long as the discourse remains superficial.'

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

'I know I've not always been the most attentive of husbands, Deirdre...'

"Agreed. We'll reduce our arsenal of insults, jibes and grievances by one-third but will be permitted to stockpile them for use should the need arise."

"Death, death, death! That's all he ever talks about!"