Relationship Therapist Gifts

"Maybe you ought to consider making love in the morning - before you have a chance to piss each other off."

Relate 'She's got all the faults, yet I'm the one who's over-critical'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"Look, I'm not denying the validity of your grievances. I just think they'd be better addressed at home, Helen."

'Margaret. I feel that we must talk about our relationship.'

Punch and Judy wait outside marriage guidance consellor's office.

"We've been happily married for five years. Next week we celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary."

Coupler Counselling

Mime marriage.

"You both say you disagree on everything, so you see, you do agree on something."

"He keeps moaning on about how he needs space!"

". . . but it's quite a small couch, don't you agree?"

"Are we sexually compatible? Well, we both get headaches at the same time..."

"Death, death, death! That's all he ever talks about!"

'I'm a perfectionist. I was perfectly happy when we were perfect strangers.'

'We haven't had lift-off since Apollo 11...'

"If you're here to lecture me about wife-beating; I gave that up years ago."

'Frigid - who's frigid? - just ask Alistair and Simon and Brett and that chap who came to fix the blinds.'

Relate counsellor: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

Tom had considerable emotional baggage.

"We just seem to have grown apart over the years"

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

"I'm tired of him having all the power in this relationship."

"What's happened to us, when we first met we just clicked, now it's drag, pinch, swipe..."

"And don't get me started on his irritating hissy-fits!"

"I'm a dish, not a bowl. This was never going to work."

'I have very expensive taste - except when it comes to men.'

"I suggest you read this book....it comes highly recommended by earthlings."

"Well, excuse ME if I still don't understand what makes my self-delusions pathetically juvenile and yours so noble!"

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

"He hasn't been much of a 'prince charming' since our wedding!"

It's a shared responsibility... you're not right and I'm not wrong.

"I don't accept your insurance but they say anything can be repaired with duct tape."

'My wife?... Oh yeah, that's the bitch!'

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."