Relationship Counselling Gifts

"He's over possessive."

"It says we should try to imagine we are in love."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

'You know too much!'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"You've changed."

Relationship Warning Lights

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."