Relationship Counselling Gifts

"He's over possessive."

"It says we should try to imagine we are in love."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"You've changed."

'You know too much!'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

Relationship Warning Lights

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Sometimes I like to come here by myself and contemplate ... or just scream about you."

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"