Relationship Theorist Gifts

Quantum Breakup

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"You owe me five bucks."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"...until death do you a favor."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

Sexual chemistry set

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"Harold, you've changed."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'