Relationship Theorist Gifts

Quantum Breakup

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"You owe me five bucks."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

Sexual chemistry set

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"I do have a special someone, but he sucks."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"Harold, you've changed."

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

'He said he wasn't good enough for me, so I married him because he's the first man to realize that.'