Marital Therapist Gifts

"When a relationship needs mainenance, it would be great if you could just call a super."

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

Why Running Away Together Is Not a Very Good Idea...

"We no longer wish to be in dynamic alignment."

"He hangs out at parties, and gets smashed, but he wants me to believe he's always being attacked by innocent little school children."

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Relationship Warning Lights

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Great Therapy!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"...until death do you a favor."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

You were warned about mixed marriages.