Marital Therapist Gifts

"When a relationship needs mainenance, it would be great if you could just call a super."

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

"We no longer wish to be in dynamic alignment."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Relationship Warning Lights

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Great Therapy!'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"...until death do you a favor."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

Incompatible.

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'