Marriage Therapy Gifts

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

'When you finally decided to communicate, neither of you said anything worth listening to?'

'By the way, do you have any beer?'

'He's only turned on by a market rally.'

"Our marriage counselor would be so proud of us now."

"Then just when I thought all my marriage problems were over, he started breathing again!"

"Well that's a load of baloney. I brought you here didn't I?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Relationship Warning Lights

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"...until death do you a favor."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Great Therapy!'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."