Marriage Therapy Gifts

"He can never take anything serious. Everything's a joke."

'When you finally decided to communicate, neither of you said anything worth listening to?'

'By the way, do you have any beer?'

'He's only turned on by a market rally.'

"Our marriage counselor would be so proud of us now."

"Then just when I thought all my marriage problems were over, he started breathing again!"

"Well that's a load of baloney. I brought you here didn't I?"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Relationship Warning Lights

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"...until death do you a favor."

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'Great Therapy!'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!