Marriage Therapist Gifts

'There you are, sir - Would you also like to purchase a maintenance agreement?'

"That's the dating guru."

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

'You have to learn how to communicate. Have you considered become Facebook friends?'

'He has this absurd notion that I don't trust him.'

'You can't agree on who gets maternity or paternity leave...'

Relationship counselor...specializing in Owl and Pussy cat

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

'You were warned about mixed marriages.'

'We just don't click anymore.'

'You two should think about living in separate apartments.'

'No, the dog is fine...I'm looking for a husband whisperer!'

'She is critical of every woman I bring home.'

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

'How would you like to try sleeping, when somebody's lying next to you snoring for six months?'

'It's my husband, Doctor. He makes me sick!'

"I fell in love with her quiet, contemplative nature. Turns out, she's just a stick."

"Ask him why he won't talk to me himself!"

'He has no romance. For special occasions, he gives me a coupon for a card and chocolates that will be 50% off the next day.'

"Two weeks after our marriage it turned out that she is 50% polyester...the bitch! I'm allergic to polyester! Man, never marry a sock puppet..."

"Now, this is how you record your dramas while your husband watches football..."

"Well, that's my side of the story. Now I'll tell you his."

'Before we go ahead with this divorce, is there any chance you could learn to share the remote?'

"I know where and when I got married. I just can't remember why."

"It'll keep him busy while we discuss his faults."

"He can stay there till he learns not to interrupt."

"I'm getting married next week so I wanted to get a feel for the place."

"Let's first discuss Sue's feelings of neglect, Tom... then you can get back to your 400 followers."

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

"Can I call you back, I'm engaged in crisis talks."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"We were so happy doc. . . but then she changed!"

"Sorry I'm late, but I had a full house. . . so I just had to play the hand!"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."