Marriage Therapist Gifts

"That's the dating guru."

'There you are, sir - Would you also like to purchase a maintenance agreement?'

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

'You have to learn how to communicate. Have you considered become Facebook friends?'

'He has this absurd notion that I don't trust him.'

"This may come as a shock to you, but you two are not a good fit. It's no one's ground fault. Electricity is not enough. I know it's hertz, but one day you'll connect with watt I'm relaying."

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

'You can't agree on who gets maternity or paternity leave...'

Relationship counselor...specializing in Owl and Pussy cat

"This is a 'deli-cut' situation...."

'We just don't click anymore.'

'You two should think about living in separate apartments.'

'No, the dog is fine...I'm looking for a husband whisperer!'

'You were warned about mixed marriages.'

'The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber and the second bathroom saved our marriage.'

'How would you like to try sleeping, when somebody's lying next to you snoring for six months?'

'She is critical of every woman I bring home.'

'I agreed to a relationship coach, not a referee.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I fell in love with her quiet, contemplative nature. Turns out, she's just a stick."

"Sorry I'm late, but I had a full house. . . so I just had to play the hand!"

"Election season is always rough on our relationship."

"I'm getting married next week so I wanted to get a feel for the place."

'It's my husband, Doctor. He makes me sick!'

"He can stay there till he learns not to interrupt."

"It'll keep him busy while we discuss his faults."

"I know where and when I got married. I just can't remember why."

"Well, that's my side of the story. Now I'll tell you his."

"Now, this is how you record your dramas while your husband watches football..."

'Before we go ahead with this divorce, is there any chance you could learn to share the remote?'

"Two weeks after our marriage it turned out that she is 50% polyester...the bitch! I'm allergic to polyester! Man, never marry a sock puppet..."

'He has no romance. For special occasions, he gives me a coupon for a card and chocolates that will be 50% off the next day.'

"Let's first discuss Sue's feelings of neglect, Tom... then you can get back to your 400 followers."

"Looks like someone's got a stick up their bun!"

"Ask him why he won't talk to me himself!"