Relationship Counselor Wannabe Gifts

'So who's it to be, Eileen - him or me?'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"I invited a few friends over who think you should see a psychiatrist."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

Relationship Warning Lights

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"You've changed."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

'When we first met there was a chemistry between us. These days though, it's more of a 'chemistry set'.'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"How do I love thee….? Let me count the ways…" "I'm going to want a recount."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."