Chaplains Gifts

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"Here's another one written in E minor and in case you haven't guessed by now, it's the only chord I know."

"That's Paul, he's our head of partnerships..."

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

Changing Minds

"To be clear, I said I want your 'A' game, not your 'Eh?' game."

"Take us to your inclusive leader."

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'I'm still not sure HOW it happened. One minute, we were bouncing ideas off each other, and the next thing I knew, we were using furniture instead!'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'They're alright if you like Charlie Chaplin inflight movies.'

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

'Nice work, kid. Looks like you might be ready to sit up at the big boys' table.'

'Haven't they found you a chair, yet Cludmore?'

That's the chairman's office.

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

'In conclusion; our major contract expires tomorrow, we have no idea what we want, and no knowledge of the market, It is time to pass this across to the Procurement Team...'

'Fine presentation, Matthews, but, lose the wiggle dance.'

A successful meeting! Only one member left in a rage shouting obcenities.

'He may have swallowed to much change.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

Good Dog!