Charlie Chaplin Gifts

'They're alright if you like Charlie Chaplin inflight movies.'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Pony Rides

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

Internet Cafe.

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'That was Charlie Parker's 'Ornithology.' I threw in a flat nine in bar 16 and a tritone substitution in bar 22. Who noticed that? Hands up if you noticed!'

Double Bass Jumpers.

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

"Is this the home that needs an exorcism on a gamer?"

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

"I don't mind car chases as long as they're car chases about something."

At a silent moment - I don't know Slim, it's quiet.. a little too quiet.

Chicken: the one-man show

"Sorry Ma'am, but lamb delivery is only available in Spring..."

'Church of the Divine Healing with an Emergency Room.'

Emergency Bible for deathbed conversions only.

Base chapel.

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

Soap Opera

'Your mother and I are worried that all these video games may be having an effect on you.'

Jose's Hot Tamale: Rekindle that fire in the belly.

"Merry Christmas. You Cheerful, Chirpring, Cheeping, Tweeting, Tw*ttering, Twittering Tw*t!"

'Ryker's Natural Foods - Kelp wanted'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'