Charlie Chaplin Pillows

'They're alright if you like Charlie Chaplin inflight movies.'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

Pony Rides

'So one day I thought, I'll teach you brats to laugh at me!'

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

Internet Cafe.

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

Double Bass Jumpers.

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"I don't mind car chases as long as they're car chases about something."

At a silent moment - I don't know Slim, it's quiet.. a little too quiet.

"Before we discuss your loan, Mr Carlson, perhaps you'd like to spend a few moments with out bank chaplain."

"I'm afraid the diagnosis isn't good."

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

"Is this the home that needs an exorcism on a gamer?"

Chicken: the one-man show

"Sorry Ma'am, but lamb delivery is only available in Spring..."

In his Last Moments, A Soldier Seeks Forgiveness for his Sins (History of the Crusades).

Soap Opera

Emergency Bible for deathbed conversions only.

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

'Church of the Divine Healing with an Emergency Room.'

Base chapel.

'Your mother and I are worried that all these video games may be having an effect on you.'

Jose's Hot Tamale: Rekindle that fire in the belly.

'The effects of winter weather on the lambing season has disastrous side effects.'

"Merry Christmas. You Cheerful, Chirpring, Cheeping, Tweeting, Tw*ttering, Twittering Tw*t!"

'Ryker's Natural Foods - Kelp wanted'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'